


Old lovers

by figurative_falsehood



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-28
Updated: 2019-04-05
Packaged: 2019-12-25 22:20:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18270371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/figurative_falsehood/pseuds/figurative_falsehood
Summary: old lovers in dressing rooms





	1. Was It Really That Worth Writing About (I'm Afraid So)

**Author's Note:**

> Old Lovers In Dressing Rooms by Keaton Henson.

Roman practically fell into his chair. He was absolutely exhausted and he missed the time when performing was a rush of adrenalin.  He missed the way the audience could lift him up. He missed his first tour. 

  
Now it was just raw. The words hurt in his chest and in his throat. But his fans loved it. So that’s something at least.   
  
Roman ran a shaky hand through his hair and glances at his reflection in the mirror. He looked Awful which wasn’t really a surprise. His eyes were dull, almost flat but it was familiar. The circles under his eyes were so dark from lack of sleep that they reminded him of-  
  
“Hey,” A voice interrupted his thoughts. But not just any voice *the* voice and Romans breath caught in his throat. He glanced behind him in the mirror his eyes met *his* and for a single moment, time stopped. And in that moment Roman was seventeen again. And in that moment nothing had changed. He opened his mouth to say something but quickly shut it and turned in his seat to look at him properly.   
  
What was there left to say? Everything he’d thought, everything he’d felt had already been said. Had already been sung. He’d poured his heart out in song after song. His entire album was meant for this. When he could finally look at *him* and say everything he never could before.   
  
“Hi,” Roman breathed because the simple fact was that everything was already said. He watched as Virgil took a few steps closer “Did you, uh, Did you like the show?” Roman asked and immidetly he felt foolish. Idiotic. Like a love-struck teenager grasping at straws.   
  
“Yeah, I uh. I heard you on the Radio.” Virgil said “I only work like a few blocks over and so i-” he trailed off and roman tried not to smile at how little he’d changed. “So I decided to- you look good Ro” and Oh did that nickname bring back the worst kind of feelings.   
  
“Right, don’t feel obligated to say so.” Roman chucked but there was no humor in it. Not really. “You’d think with all of this I’d be looking a lot better,” he said bitterly, glancing away from Virgil. But He could still see him frown in the mirror out of the corner of his eyes. And this wasn’t how he wanted this to go. He could play pretend a little longer. So he smiled and laughed again. “Anyways. How the hell have you been?” He asked making sure he was wearing his best stage smile.   
  
“I, I’ve been really good,” Virgil said slowly. “Patton and I have been really good.” And Roman forced his smile to stay in place even as he felt his heart stutter in his chest.   
  
“And he makes you happy?” Roman asked. And he shouldn’t have. He had no right to. He lost the right to ask Virgil something like that ten years ago. And his smile was fading and Virgil was looking at him like he knew exactly what he was thinking.   
  
“He does” Virgil said softly and he could have been angry. Maybe it would have been easier for Roman to deal with if he’d been angry. “He really does Ro,” and there he is with that nickname again and roman looks away again. “We uh, we actually just bought a house.” and there it was, everything Roman thought he’d never be able to give him.   
  
“Yeah me too.” and that was a lie. He lived on a tour bus. In hotel rooms. Backstage. “Yeah back at home, but it’s just me”  as if hed ever go back to the place he thought of as home.   
  
“Cani ask you a question,” Virgil said and Roman could only nod watching him sit in one of the chairs not covered in equipment and costumes. “All of your songs,” Virgil started and Romans breath hitched again “The was you wrote us,” and Virgil was picking at the sleeve of his jacket like he always used to when he was nervous. Roman wanted to cross the space and take those hands. He wanted to hold them like they were the most precious things in the world. He wanted to stop their shaking and give Virgil something to hold onto the way he used to. But that wasn’t his job anymore. That wasn’t his right. “Was it really like that?” Virgil said looking up to meet Romans eyes finally. And the room around them stilled.  
  
And they looked at each other for a long time.   
  
“Yeah V, for me it was” and the nickname stung his throat and caused it to tighten and the room felt stiff and it was all out there in the open. And Virgil nodded.   
  
“We were just kids Ro,” Virgil said shakily.   
  
“Maybe,” Roman responded trying to keep his tone light even if his heart felt like a rock in his chest. Virgil chuckled, a light sound that made Romans heart stutter and he grinned and he couldn’t help it. Virgil was infectious.   
  
“We were terrible for each other Ro,”  Virgil said around a laugh. And it wasn’t funny but Roman found himself laughing too. “We fought all the time and you had your music.” and roman was so fucking devastated because that’s what it all came down to. His *music*.   
  
“We did not fight all the time,” Roman said flicking away a tear that he pretends was from the laughter. “We definitely only had one fight.” that last fight. About his *music*  
  
“Yeah. that one fight.” Virgil repeated and roman could tell that the one fight was more than enough.  
  
And they sat in a silent understanding for a while. Because perhaps they both knew this would likely be the last time they would see each other.   
  
“I should probably head home,” Virgil whispered after while. And a lump rose in Romans’ throat.  
  
“What your not even going to ask for an autograph?” Roman teased smiling bright painting a picture putting on an act for this. For him. For Virgil.   
  
“Oh, how could I forget!” Virgil exclaimed grinning back and standing. Roman stood too, staring at Virgil awhile longer before pulling a CD out of his drawer.   
  
“Here, limited copy,” Roman said handing it to him. And Virgil took it gently looking over the cover.   
  
“Is this your new album?” Virgil asked looking up at roman confused.   
  
“Nope. it’s my first album ” he said.   
  
“Mr. Prince!” some said sticking their head into the door. “Oh sorry, didn’t know you had company, but there’s a line of people waiting to meet you.” and then they left and roman and Virgil were left standing alone again.   
  
“Ro, I don’t understand this isn’t your first album?” Virgil asked confused and Roman only smiled, the saddest smile in the world.   
  
“I wrote it ten years ago,” Roman said throat thick and eyes glassy, “That’s the only copy”   
  
And the Roman swept out of the room to go meet his fans. 


	2. I Heard The Crowd Adores You So (Don't Talk To Them About Me)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It had started like a fairy tale ends..... happily fucking ever after

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright- Keaton Henson

  
  
It had started like a fairy tale ends. like a false idea of happily ever after. like once you meet your love, your true love, life just stops in a perfect smiling freeze frame where your free to live out the rest of your days in bliss. like that love fixed every broken thing. like everything would be easy as long as you both shall live kind of shit.   
  
loving Roman was easy.   
  
the kind of love that punched you in the face and in the chest. the kind of love that reminded you how to smile. the kind of love that swept you off your feet. like if their life had been a movie this would be the part with the love song playing in the background while you watch the happy couple montage their way through summer.   
  
their love was like carefree laughter. and it was deep and intense and all-consuming.   
  
Loving Roman was easy.   
  
Losing Roman was the hardest damn thing in the whole fucked up world.   
  
They were just kids. kids that for one reason or another were forced to grow up way too fast. and once Virgil got a taste of Romans reckless love, he couldn't get enough.   
  
Roman’s love had the power to make Virgil feel like he was worth something. Roman’s love was like a drug.   
  
But Roman’s Drug was the stage. his music. his dreams.   
  
Virgil loved going with him to gigs. watching from the sidelines as Roman sang covers of all their favorite songs. and the crowd cheered and sang along, Roman lived for it the way Virgil lived for Roman.   
  
Maybe he always knew it wouldn’t last.   
  
Maybe he somehow saw it coming.   
  
Maybe he didn’t want to think about it too hard.   
  
People left. that's what people in Virgil's life did. They left him with promises to return spilling from their lips like candy-coated lies. They always promised to come back.   
  
They never did.   
  
But Roman wasn’t like everybody. right?   
  
But Roman was approached with an offer to go on a real tour, opening for one of his favorite bands no less. and God Roman earned it. It was everything he’d ever wanted long before Virgil was ever a part of the picture.  
  
Virgil was so proud of him. But why did he feel like the moment Roman said yes, his life started to fall apart. The idea that Roman was leaving settled in his stomach like a fucking rock and god knows he tried to ignore it. shove the anxiety away cause that's all it was, Anxiety.   
  
But Roman felt distant, Hell, everything felt distant after Roman accepted. everything felt distant so maybe it was just him. he told himself it was just him.   
  
Maybe it would have been different if Ro had asked him to come with.   
  
But he didn’t.   
  
And they laid in bed together a week before Roman would leave and there was a pit in Virgil's gut and a vice around his heart. And in the darkroom, he wondered if this was always what waited after happily ever after.   
  
The air in the room was heavy and tasted like bile, like the lump that rose in Virgil’s throat. He knows Roman must have felt it too. it felt like they were on the edge of a cliff. or maybe like they’d already walked off it. like they were cartoons and all they had to do was not look down and they could hover there forever. They just had to not look down.   
  
But like all the Cartoon Characters did Virgil looked down, “I don’t want you to go” and in the silence that swallowed his soft, barely audible words, Virgil felt himself plummeting to whatever was waiting beneath him. He wished he could swallow the words back down. hide them from sight before it was too late. but of course, it was already too late. Virgil was falling and Roman tensed under him.   
  
“You don’t mean that” Virgil closed his eyes focusing in on Romans heartbeat. He was in the wrong and he knows it. he couldn't keep roman from fulfilling his dreams. he wouldn't do that.   
  
“I don't know,” He said honestly, shakily, pathetic.   
  
And they left it there. just like that for a day, and then for two, and then for three and all the while, the red circle on the calendar haunted Virgil, growing closer, tightening around his neck with every passing minute that brought them closer to-  
  
He’d be gone for seven months.   
  
in that time Virgil was expected to start college. before the tour, they had planned to go together.   
  
  
“Why didn’t you ask me to go with you?” Virgil asked while he helped Roman pack.   
  
While he helped Roman pack to leave him with shaky hands and knees like jelly just four days before Roman would go. Virgil would drop everything and go with Roman.   
  
And Roman shrugged, eyes darting around the room, looking anywhere but at him. Virgil pretended that meant nothing, but he was still free falling waiting for the ground to hurry up and meet him.   
  
But they left it there. just like that. for another day or two  
  
  
“I didn’t ask you to go with me,”  _Oh fuck,_  “because i don’t want you to put your life on hold for this,”  _fuck and falling and fuck and fuck_   “...for me...” 

Virgil dropped the glas he as holding ignoring the shttered shards landing in a beautiful splash around his bare feet. 

“Virgil!” Roman shouted, concerned and surprised perhaps by the broken mess around him. virgil stepped over it and walked right out the front door.   
  
“Virgil?” Romans' voice rose growing more panicked and confused and he hated how easily he could read Roman. “Virge wait! V! wait!” and his voice was getting louder and it followed him, “Virgil, my darling, wait V!” down the street until there was a hand grabbing at Virgil's arm and he was falling and falling and falling and fuck and fuck and fuck.   
  
Virgil spun yanking his arm out of Romans grip. “Go on, Say it!” he all but shouted. he was tired of falling. His mind was whispering that he was being ridiculous. His heart screamed “Just say it Roman”   
  
“Say what V?” and if he could just hear the sound of Romans broken hearted confusion maybe He could have moved past this. but when he looked at Roman he saw it in his gorgeous earthy eyes that always managed to look enchanted. except that is, for now. now they were colored in dull acceptance. and Virgil thinks maybe he’s nearing the ground now.   
  
“you don’t want me to put my life on hold, fine. but what are you putting on hold Ro?” And oh God did that hurt to say out loud like his bones breaking on the concrete.   
  
“V, baby, please... I'm leaving tomorrow... can we just.. can we go back inside baby? please, can we just have today.. can we..”  
  
“Can we what Roman? Put off the inevitable?” Virgil's voice fell flat and dark and empty and his hands shook at his sides.   
  
“It doesn't have to be inevitable!” Romans' voice broke. Virgil's heart broke. he thinks maybe he broke the ground when he landed.   
  
“Doesn't it?”   
  
“No! look. I’ll go on tour and then I’ll come back. and.. and we can start over. and we can go to school. and we can start over V, I can buy you a house and-”  
  
“Seven months Roman. The tour is Seven months.” Virgil closed his eyes. he didn't want to see anymore.   
  
“What..?”  
  
“Seven months and thirteen days, Scool starts in a month. am I supposed to wait?” And God if Roman had just told him to wait then maybe he could believe that he really was coming back.   
  
“No... of course not V just..”   
  
“you don’t want me to wait, you don't want me to go with you,” Virgil said slowly. _you don't want me, you don’t want me, you don’t want me._  the words screamed in Virgil's head and it was too much. he took a step back and then another and a third and then he was running. bare feet colliding with the concrete, heart colliding with his rib cage.   
  
He was running.   
  
And he didn't once hear Roman calling him.   
  
_you don’t want me, you don’t want me, you don’t want me...... fuck..._  
  
happily fucking ever after


End file.
